the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
