Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I can't turn off my feet"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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