Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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