I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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