we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
