no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
