Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
