So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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