He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
