pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
