he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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