Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
