White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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