You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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