I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
