I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
