two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
