well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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