Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
