oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
