it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
