You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
