that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
