i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
