Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
birth control should be required to get into college
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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