so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
