you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize