I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
