youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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