I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
