FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
