I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
