Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm too high and old for this...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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