1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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