I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize