I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
