he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
