The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize