I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
What drink are we having for lunch?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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