oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
