I molested 6 butterflies tonight
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
