Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
