Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize