I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
