Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
