I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
