I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
