Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I am available for nakedness
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
