Soap is not a condiment
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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