i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize