I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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