I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
