She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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