I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
