I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
