I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
