I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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