He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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