If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
