Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
