Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
