I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I need to align my fucking chakras
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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