We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
