drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
