Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
