i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
