Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
