I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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