Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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