My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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