Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
