After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
