oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize