This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
