Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
